Originally scheduled for release on 04/01/2026
On Wednesday, the Fire hydrants in and around the Shoreline area left their cement housings en masse. The flooding caused by the exodus of our fire hydrants has left many angered. The source of the hydrant’s awakening is still hotly debated.
Some believe that it may have something to do with the strange, purple light that enveloped the region, but I beg to differ. I find it more likely the hydrants are taking a long deserved vacation after many long years of service without break. It’s about time that they get their just deserts. It is, however, unfortunate that this came at the expense of local infrastructure.
One of the loudest proponents of these new Shoreline-rs is Fire Chief, R. Bradbury, who said “I for one welcome these new residents. Within only a few hours of their awakening they had already prevented a fire at the Shoreline College Library.”
We reached out to one of the fire hydrants for comment, but unfortunately they didn’t respond. I’m not sure if they are actually able to speak. It just kind of stood there not moving…It was in fact the most enlightening conversation I’ve had in a while.
Now among those who are most resistant to these changes are the canine population of Shoreline. The new policies about where they can and cannot urinate have them howling with rage. John B. Barkly III, dog-lord of Shoreline had this to say on the matter, “Bark!.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Credit:
The photo in the comes from this article from Rare Historical Photographs.
