Calvin in America : Pie-eating contest

By Calvin Li

Sunfest 2016 was awesome! I competed in the pie eating contest for the first time and it turned out to be one of my highlights of 2016.

I knew I had a chance of winning because I’d always been a fast eater growing up. I was also determined to win because I knew it would get real nasty up on stage, and probably ruin my chances of finding a girlfriend at SCC.

On game day, I prepared myself by fasting and staying hydrated, a technique I learned on Youtube. What also helped was the fact that there were three food trucks giving out delicious free food; resisting them somehow summoned a deep, dark and hungry beast inside of me.

Our photographer, who was there to shoot pictures of Sunfest, made the beast even more dangerous as he enjoyed that food right next to me. I took advantage of that by staring at him in the most hostile way possible, while thinking about how I was going to demolish that pie so brutally that the contest might be rated PG-13.

“Three, two, one, GO!”

The game was on, and I was the smallest guy on the stage. It was a big cream pie so I immediately went for the “vacuuming” technique – sucking and finishing all the cream first. I tried to get to the bottom of the pie and expose the plate so it looked like I was eating more to the judge.

I shoved my face into the pie and it was way deeper than I expected (I really could’ve used swimming goggles). I didn’t have any eating contest experience so by the time I finished 40 percent of the pie, my body told me to stop and I was literally saying to myself, “Somebody please finish the goddamn pie and end this thing!”

Luckily, the idea of not wanting to be the first guy to quit transformed me into a Super Saiyan and got me back into the pie. I found my pace and concentration. I even forgot I was performing in front of a crowd.

When the time was up, I was the only one who finished the entire pie and there you have it! I’m the champ and I won a $25 Amazon gift card and a free lunch. I can actually see why people enjoy competing in this kind of stuff because it’s something that really makes you focus on the moment, and realize that you are your biggest enemy.